Dear Empathy,
Today I am writing to you in relation with all those emotions and feelings that you have made me go through. I mean I get it that you are trying to indulge in me what I haven’t gotten first hand experience on, but in lieu of that you have caused such a drastic breakthrough that all I’m left with is borrowed feelings.
I do feel happy in evolving from that emotional void where all I could see was making it to the point that I observe everyone else in. But somewhere in between, people changed. Well, the basis of what we were and how we acted changed, and for that, I became blank. Copying actions, that’s something I could accomplish, but emotions, they are different syllabus, one that I didn’t have a crash course on.
And so I started to ‘pretend’. And yes I would say it’s not easy keeping up with all those vibrant variables. In my struggle to keep up with moments they cry in, or the way minute instances made them happy, I didn’t see the world in the same way. And so, I had to jot down how to make it all up.
But even you knew that that wasn’t the path to follow. I could cry, and I could laugh, but I had no bounds set to go through with that. I had to stop eventually, not knowing when to let the mask dissolve.
And then you came into my life.
For a normal human being that hasn’t gone through the basic expulsion of humanly feelings, which defines one as emotionally sensitive and psychologically caring and connecting, empathy would just be a word, maybe even one that they have no recollection over.
And that is pretty much fine. I mean when your bestie cries, you don’t always want to cry, it would just take up time. You churn out your own imagination and visualization to find a way to solve his/her problem. And that’s one sound and logically attainable side to it.
But is that actually the path to take? Maybe a solution is not that vital then, but a need to be understood, a desire to connect with, and that speaks a lot.
And you did that for me. I mean if it’s cries, we need to cry too, if it’s laughter, we need to laugh too. We need to have the power to build those artificial memories for ourselves, and live the life that they live. Only then would the world shine on the same terms as them.
You know, normal people, those that try to have the mask on as me, they haven’t ever taken a moment of complete expulsion of baseless and theoretically harmful thoughts from their mind! They haven’t lived that moment in the shower of natural sprinkles from upon the fluffy fluff that’s not so fluffy and cute then.
I did that.Today, as I closed my eyes, I was able to feel the chilled air brush through me, like it was kissing into my bones, maybe even talking to it. And all I did was feel the cold sensations and the crushing feeling of defeat and content overpower me.
I had never been like that. Maybe a year back things would have been different. I was simple, and so was my composure. I did my work, I took credit for it, and I let the rest of the world be my realm for experiment.
I mean look at the facts. With a mindset to be different and and still be close to the terms they have settled for, there was something that made me more passionate.
But I wasn’t actually different, our paths were just never on the same line.
And that you did to me!
You did a lot for me, over time, letting me in in conversations where people were not only acquaintances, but also a source of warmth, where thoughts even though disarranged were still welcomed, and you introduced me to world that brought me face to face with myself. And I was able to see the ‘real me’.
So Empathy, even though today the sprinkles and the chill tore us apart, I felt even closer to your existence in the feelings that surged through the numbness that had taken over, I felt the pain that you let me feel through all this time, and the happiness that you let me live in even when the sky felt incomplete and stars hopeless to me.
So thank you Empathy, thank you so much.
Even though I have been in the arms of borrowed feelings for all this while, they taught me things that life had never been that fair in sharing. And in that sense, even though you force your way in through uncharted sides, and make people stumble upon their own stigma, you brought something to the table that I had been devoid of.
And maybe I wouldn’t have ever known of it had you not started up the ache in my heart, or brought on that saucy shining smile on my face.
Thank you dear friend for that brutal scolding, cause my life had been in dire need of that.
Yours, in segments and stillness
Lucifer’s Whisper
·stories